Reaching Out

The Falcon didn't have nearly enough bunks for all the Resistance members, so most of them ended up sleeping on the floor of the lounge, Rey included. That didn't bother her since she was used to sleeping in uncomfortable places, so it wasn't the floor that was keeping her awake. It definitely wasn't a lack of exhaustion after this long, stressful day either. No, despite her exhaustion, there was still restlessness stirring within her.

Finn slept next to her, safe and alive, his steady breath soothing her at least a little. She reached over and gently brushed her finger over his cheek, smiling a bit. How long had he been in the coma? It probably didn't matter, since he was fine now, but it was still a relief to see him sleep peacefully instead of strapped to a medical bed. She kept listening to his breathing, letting it lull her, feeling drowsiness gradually overtake her . . .

Then there was a shift in her senses and her eyes shot open.

She sucked in her breath, immediately recognizing the twitch in her senses, though she still didn't know what was causing it. If Snoke was the one manufacturing it, shouldn't this have stopped when he died?

But she had seen him before boarding the Falcon, which meant there was no way of knowing what was going on now.

She didn't want to look, but just like all the other times, something was compelling her. After a deep breath, she rolled over and sure enough, there he was.

Ben, Kylo, whatever, sound asleep, bundled up in blankets, unaware that the Force had linked them again. Rey gulped, wondering if the Force had ever linked them when she was asleep. Had he ever watched her sleep like this?

Would this go on for the rest of their lives? Would they grow old always on edge about when the Force would connect them? Maybe neither of them would ever know true privacy again.

How would either of them ever get a good night's sleep?

He looked so innocent as he slept, almost childlike, though the scar cutting through the side of his face served as a reminder of who he was – what he was.

Was this how he looked when Luke reached into his mind on the night everything changed?

Maybe she should just ignore him. Wait for him to disappear. Try not to think of what Snoke said about her being his equal in the light side. What did that even mean? That she was as good as he was evil? No, she wasn't good. She was just a lost little girl forever searching for someone to love her.

Still, when they had fought Snoke's guards together, it was as if they could each anticipate each other's moves, like they were a single unit, as if they were equals. She had felt that he had her back during the fight.

And she had thought that she felt Ben Solo return.

Why was she so stupid?

He mumbled slightly in his sleep, suddenly making her wonder what he was dreaming about. Did he dream about galaxy domination? His eyelids creased and relaxed, maybe dreaming about the father he had murdered or maybe dreaming about a future where the First Order had finally eliminated the Resistance.

"Mmmm . . . mmm . . ."

His face twitched as his low voice muttered the single sound, and Rey found herself inadvertently holding her breath. She waited, though she wasn't sure what she was waiting for. Another sound, another twitch, what?

Finally she decided to just close her eyes and ignore him as best she could. He'd vanish eventually, right? She should just try to sleep and forget everything for a while.

"No . . . no . . . Dad . . ."

Her eyes shot open, her breath coming out in pants, her stomach twisting so hard that she wondered if she would vomit. Now he was clutching his pillow like a child might and even in the dim light his face was gleaming with sweat. "Dad . . . no . . . Dad . . . come back . . ."

"Ben?" she whispered without thinking. Why was he still Ben in her mind? What was wrong with her?

"Dad . . . no!" he cried out again, making Rey wonder if he would wake everyone up or if she was the only one who could hear him.

Again with hardly any thought, her hand was on his damp cheek – whether damp from sweat or tears or both she couldn't tell. "Ben, it's all right, you're having a nightmare."

"Dad . . . please . . . come back . . ."

Rey gulped, swallowing dryness. "Your father forgives you," she found herself whispering.

With that, the cries ceased, as if he'd heard her words and believed them. Her breath stopped as his eyelids stretched and creased, stretched and creased . . .

. . . and opened.

He blinked at her, looking barely awake, but still his eyes focused on her. "Rey . . ." he whispered in a hoarse voice.

No, no, she couldn't stand more. She threw the covers off of her and leapt to her feet, hopping around the sleeping bodies and refusing to look back as she ran, ran, ran.

. . .

The floor was icy against Rey's bare feet, but she didn't stop running until she was sure Ben or Kylo or whatever she should call him wasn't following her. Only then did she catch her breath by the door to one of the ship's few cabins and only then did she hear the soft sobs coming from the other side of the door. She sucked in her breath at the realization that the low, raspy sobs sounded like Leia.

What could the general be crying about? She never cried. She didn't even cry when her husband died . . . then with that thought, Rey mentally slapped herself. Of course she cried when Han died – she just would have done it in private so the people who looked up to her wouldn't see her in such a state.

Maybe now she was crying about Luke.

Or Ben . . .

With another gulp, Rey hesitantly knocked on the door. "General Organa? Are you all right?"

She heard a sniffle behind the door, followed by Leia saying, "Come in, Rey."

Rey obeyed to find the general sitting on the bunk, still fully dressed, eyes puffy and red. "Are you all right?" Rey asked again.

Leia sniffled again, sucking in the sobs as she patted the mattress, inviting the former scavenger to sit next to her. "I'm fine. It's just . . . this was our cabin." She sounded like she was struggling to keep her voice together. "So many trips, so many missions, so many nights together back when things were happier. Of course, the bunk got crowded with the three of us when Ben had his nightmares, but we never minded . . ."

Ben. Nightmares. Rey felt numb as she sat next to Leia. Did she dare tell her about what was happening? "General . . ." she said between swallows.

"Rey, we're friends, you can call me Leia."

"All right, Leia . . ." She took a deep breath. "Leia, there's something I should tell you."

"Yes?"

With another deep breath, everything came flowing out. The Force-linked conversations between her and Ben, the revelation about what had happened the night the Jedi died, how she had briefly thought Ben had returned to the light, everything up to the nightmare he'd just had.

By the time the tale reached its end, Leia wasn't moving. She stared at the opposite wall, as if that were the only thing keeping her upright. "Luke . . ." Her voice came out in a whisper so small that Rey had to strain to hear it. "He tried to . . ."

"He didn't," Rey quickly said. "He was just . . . terrified."

"Terrified," Leia repeated. "Jedi aren't supposed to act on their fear."

"No," Rey whispered, "but we have no way of knowing whether or not Ben would have turned to the dark side anyway."

Leia inhaled through her mouth as if trying to keep herself from crying again. "Ben said he didn't hate his father . . ." She seemed to be talking more to herself than to Rey. "He was dreaming about Han . . ."

"Yes," said Rey, instinctively wrapping her arm around the older woman much like she had embraced her after Han died, yet her chest tightened as she did so. Every time she attached herself to someone older, that person ended up dead. Could she dare make Leia into a mother figure and risk suffering the heartbreak for the third time?

But Leia wrapped her own arm around Rey with the tenderness of a mother and just like with the hug they shared after Han died, it felt like they were both equally giving comfort and receiving it.

"Do you think he can still be reached?" Leia suddenly asked, softly, as if she were afraid of even hoping.

How Rey wished she could say yes, but could she trust her instincts after they had been so wrong? She didn't even know what her instincts told her about Ben, Kylo – how could she know whether or not he could be reached when she didn't even know what to call him?

"I don't know," she finally said.

Leia wrapped her other arm around Rey, sandwiching her in an embrace like she probably used to do with Ben. Like a mother would. Rey found herself wondering if her own mother had ever embraced her like this.

"Maybe if you see him again, you could tell him that I still miss him," said Leia, sounding close to being in tears again.

Rey shivered slightly. "I don't know if I will see him again . . . I don't exactly know how to initiate the connection or even what the connection is . . ." She swallowed. ". . . but if I do, I'll tell him."

"Thank you," Leia whispered.

Rey pulled out of the embrace, seeing that a tear was streaming down the mother's cheek. "Do you . . . do you want me to stay?"

Leia gave a slight smile as she wiped her cheek. "No, I'll be all right. You actually gave me some hope."

Hope. Was it admirable or stupid to think there was still hope for Ben? Why couldn't she answer that?

"Rey," Leia said as the younger woman rose from the bunk, "if you need some comforting during the night, just knock on the door."

"Are you sure?"

Leia smiled at her. "A little sleep depravation is worth it if it helps someone else sleep."

"All right. Well, good night."

"Good night."

When Rey returned to the lounge, she wasn't surprised to find that Ben had vanished, but she was surprised to find a twinge of disappointment running through her. Maybe Leia was right and he could still be reached. Maybe she was the one who was meant to reach him.

Or maybe not.

As she got back into bed, Rey let out a long, releasing sigh. If the Force did connect her with him again, she would keep her word and pass on that Leia still missed her son even after all he had done.

Maybe that would help him.

Maybe.

THE END